Forgive and be Free: The Life-Changing Impact of Letting Go in 7 Steps

By Kristi Allison, Nurse Practitioner & Health Coach

In this lifetime, it’s inevitable that people will hurt you—sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally, but if we want to flourish and not be held back by the pain others have caused we must forgive and be free. Whether the wounds are physical, emotional, or mental, carrying the weight of that pain can take a toll on your well-being. Forgiveness, however, is one of the most powerful tools you can use to heal and move forward.

Forgiveness isn’t about excusing harmful behavior or forgetting the pain caused. It’s about releasing yourself from the grip of anger, resentment, and pain that can weigh you down. It’s a gift you give yourself—a step toward reclaiming your peace of mind.

When we forgive, we open ourselves up to understanding the circumstances that may have influenced the person who hurt us. This understanding can foster compassion, not for their actions but for their humanity, allowing us to grow emotionally and spiritually. Ultimately, forgiveness clears the path for a life free from the burden of pain and mistrust—a life filled with empowerment, clarity, and peace.

We can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we choose to respond. Forgiveness is a choice—a courageous act that prioritizes your healing over the harm inflicted by others. Below, we’ll explore 7 ways to practice forgiveness for your healing journey.

What Makes Forgiveness So Life-Changing?

When you hold onto grudges, you’re essentially carrying around emotional baggage that drains your energy and clouds your happiness. Forgiveness allows you to release that burden. It doesn’t erase what happened, but it helps you reclaim your power and focus on what truly matters: your own well-being.

Here’s why forgiveness is a game-changer:

• Improves Mental Health: Reduces stress, anxiety, and depression.
• Strengthens Relationships: Opens the door for healthier, more meaningful connections.
• Boosts Physical Health: Lowers blood pressure and boosts your immune system.
• Empowers You: Puts you back in control of your emotions and life.

Forgiveness is less about the other person and more about creating peace within yourself.

1. Acknowledge the Pain

Forgiveness begins with one essential step: facing your pain. When someone hurts you, the natural instinct might be to push the pain aside or downplay it, telling yourself to “just move on.” But suppressing or ignoring those emotions doesn’t make them disappear—instead, they often resurface in unexpected ways, weighing on your heart and mind.

To truly forgive, you must first give yourself permission to feel the hurt, anger, sadness, or betrayal without judgment. Acknowledging what you’ve experienced is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of self-compassion.

Why It Matters:

You can’t forgive what you don’t confront. Naming your pain validates your experience and reminds you that your emotions matter. It’s about honoring what happened and how it impacted you, paving the way for healing and release. Pain left unaddressed tends to fester, but when you acknowledge it, you’re taking the first step toward regaining control over your emotional well-being.

Pro Tip:

• Journal Your Feelings: Write down what happened, how it made you feel, and how it’s affecting you now. Don’t worry about structure—just let your thoughts flow freely.
• Write a Letter to Yourself or the Person Who Hurt You: This can help you articulate your pain. Be specific and compassionate to yourself as you write. Remember, you don’t have to share this letter—it’s for your healing.
• Speak It Out Loud: If writing isn’t your thing, consider talking about it with a trusted friend or professional. Saying your feelings aloud can bring clarity and relief.

Extra Insight:

Acknowledging pain doesn’t mean you’re dwelling on it. Instead, think of it as giving your emotions the attention they need to move through you. Like clouds passing in the sky, your feelings can’t clear if you refuse to let them drift into view. Remember, your feelings are valid. They are a natural response to being hurt, and recognizing them is a powerful step toward finding peace.

2. Understand That Forgiveness Is for You

One of the most empowering truths about forgiveness is realizing it’s not about excusing the person who hurt you—it’s about freeing yourself. When you hold onto anger and resentment, it can feel like a form of protection, as though staying angry keeps you safe from further harm. In reality, it often does the opposite. Resentment keeps you tethered to the past, draining your emotional energy and clouding your present.

Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook for their actions; it’s about letting yourself off the hook from carrying the weight of that pain. It’s a gift you give yourself to reclaim your peace, power, and emotional well-being.

Why It Matters:

Ultimately, forgiveness is an act of self-love and self-care. It’s not about saying what happened was okay; it’s about refusing to let that hurt define you. When you forgive, you regain control over your emotions and begin to heal on your terms.

Think of forgiveness as cutting the chains that bind you to a painful past. It doesn’t erase what happened, but it allows you to release the burden of bitterness, creating space for joy, growth, and new beginnings.

Pro Tip:

• Try Visualization: Close your eyes and imagine the person who hurt you standing far away. Visualize a cord connecting you to them, symbolizing the pain or anger you’ve been holding onto. Picture yourself cutting that cord, and as you do, feel a weight lifting off your shoulders.
• Repeat a Forgiveness Mantra: A daily affirmation like, “I forgive not because they deserve it, but because I deserve peace,” can remind you of your power to let go.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Forgiveness can be hard. Remind yourself that you’re doing this for your well-being, not to condone the other person’s actions.

Extra Insight:

Forgiveness doesn’t require reconciliation. It’s entirely possible—and often healthier—to forgive someone while keeping your distance. Forgiving doesn’t mean inviting them back into your life; it means deciding their actions no longer have power over you. Also, forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s often a process. Some days you may feel at peace, and on others, the anger or sadness might resurface. That’s okay—it’s all part of the journey.

3. Reflect on the Circumstances

Additionally, when someone hurts you, it’s natural to focus on the pain they caused. However, staying stuck in that loop of anger can make it harder to let go and heal. Reflecting on the other person’s circumstances can help you find perspective, though it’s important to note: you’re not excusing their actions. Instead, you’re seeking to understand their behavior as part of the broader picture.

Ask yourself, What might have influenced their actions? Were they going through struggles you didn’t know about? Were they acting out of their own unresolved pain or insecurities? By considering these factors, you may soften the intensity of your anger and create space for forgiveness—not for their sake, but for your own peace.

Why It Matters:

Understanding the broader context can shift your perspective. It doesn’t erase the hurt, but it can help transform feelings of resentment into compassion. When you see someone as flawed rather than malicious, it becomes easier to let go of the emotional weight. Forgiveness rooted in understanding doesn’t mean you condone harmful behavior. It means you recognize that holding onto anger only prolongs your pain, and you’re choosing to free yourself.

Pro Tip:

• Practice Curiosity: Ask yourself questions like, What might this person have been experiencing? Could they have acted out of fear, ignorance, or pain? Approach this inquiry with curiosity rather than judgment.
• Balance Empathy with Boundaries: You can empathize with someone’s struggles without justifying their behavior or diminishing your feelings. Compassion and accountability can coexist.
• Write About It: Journal your thoughts about the other person’s potential perspective and how it influences your feelings. Writing can help you process emotions and uncover insights.

Extra Insight:

Understanding doesn’t always come immediately, and that’s okay. Sometimes, forgiveness starts with letting go for your own sake, and deeper empathy follows naturally over time. If you’re not ready to reflect on the other person’s circumstances yet, don’t force it! Healing is a journey, and every step you take—no matter how small—brings you closer to peace.

4. Release the Need for an Apology

Ultimately, one of the hardest truths about forgiveness is realizing that you might never get the apology you deserve. The person who hurt you may not even recognize the harm they’ve caused—or worse, they may not care. Holding out for an apology or expecting it to come in a specific way can keep you attached to the hurt. True forgiveness isn’t about waiting for someone else to make amends; it’s about choosing to let go for your sake, regardless of their acknowledgment. It’s about reclaiming your power and freeing yourself from the emotional chains of the past.

Why It Matters:

Waiting for an apology puts your healing in someone else’s hands, leaving you stuck if they never take responsibility. By releasing the need for an apology, you’re choosing to prioritize your peace over their actions. Forgiveness on your terms means you control your journey toward emotional freedom—not the person who wronged you. When you let go of this expectation, you create space for healing. You no longer need closure from someone else to move forward—you give it to yourself!

Pro Tip:

• Write It Out: Write the apology you wish you’d received. Be as honest and raw as you need to be, expressing all the pain, anger, or disappointment you’ve been holding onto. Then, destroy the letter—tear it up, burn it, or delete it. This symbolic act can help you release the burden of waiting for acknowledgment.
• Self-Affirmation: Remind yourself daily, “I don’t need their apology to heal. My peace is my priority.”
• Visualize Freedom: Imagine the person who hurt you handing you an apology—even if it’s not sincere. Picture yourself accepting it, then letting it drift away like a balloon. This visualization can provide emotional release, even without real-world closure.

Extra Insight:

Not all apologies come in the form of words. Sometimes, people show their regret through changed behavior or quiet acts of kindness. However, forgiveness doesn’t need to hinge on whether someone has “earned” it. Forgiveness is for you, not them. It’s a choice to remove your emotions from their actions and walk forward unburdened. Whether or not they ever understand the impact of their actions, your healing is in your hands.

5. Set Boundaries Moving Forward

Likewise, forgiveness doesn’t mean opening the door to repeated hurt. In fact, true forgiveness often requires setting firm boundaries to protect your mental and emotional well-being. Boundaries aren’t about punishment or retaliation—they’re about creating a safe and respectful space for yourself to heal and thrive.

Forgiveness and boundaries can coexist. You can release resentment toward someone while still making it clear what behaviors you will and won’t accept in the future. Setting boundaries helps you break free from harmful patterns, prioritize your well-being, and foster healthier relationships.

Why It Matters:

Healthy boundaries ensure forgiveness empowers you rather than enables the same hurtful behaviors. They demonstrate self-respect and show others how to treat you with care and consideration. Forgiving without boundaries can leave you vulnerable to repeated harm, while boundaries allow you to forgive without losing yourself in the process. Boundaries also reinforce that forgiveness doesn’t erase accountability. You can extend grace while holding others to a higher standard moving forward.

Pro Tip:

• Use Clear and Kind Communication: Clearly communicate your boundaries in a way that’s calm but firm. For example:
  • “I forgive you, but I need some space right now to heal.”
  • “I value our relationship, but I can’t continue to engage if [specific behavior] happens again.”
• Practice Assertiveness: Use “I” statements to express your needs without blaming the other person. For example, “I need time to process this” or “I can’t continue this conversation right now.”
• Write Your Boundaries Down: If verbal communication feels like too much, start by writing your boundaries in a journal or letter. This helps clarify your thoughts and gives you confidence when addressing them in person.

Extra Insight:

Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to prioritizing others over yourself. You might worry about seeming cold or confrontational, but remember: boundaries are an act of self-respect, not selfishness.

If someone reacts poorly to your boundaries, it’s often a sign they benefited from your lack of them. This doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong—it means your boundaries are necessary. Healthy, respectful relationships will grow stronger when boundaries are honored.

Think of boundaries as a way to guide others in how to treat you. They’re a tool for cultivating trust and respect, not a wall to push people away. You deserve connections that uplift you, and setting boundaries is a powerful step in creating those.

6. Practice Empathy

Moreover, empathy is one of the most transformative tools in the forgiveness process. It doesn’t mean condoning or excusing someone’s hurtful actions, but it does mean recognizing their humanity. Everyone has flaws, struggles, and a backstory that influences their behavior. By practicing empathy, you can soften your anger, release resentment, and approach forgiveness with a lighter heart.

Empathy allows you to separate the person from their actions. It shifts your perspective, making room for understanding instead of bitterness. This doesn’t erase the pain you’ve experienced, but it can help you see the person who hurt you in a new light, making forgiveness feel less like a burden and more like a gift to yourself!

Why It Matters:

Empathy is a bridge to compassion, helping you view the person as a whole rather than defining them solely by their mistakes. It can dissolve feelings of bitterness and replace them with a sense of peace. Understanding someone’s struggles doesn’t justify their actions, but it can help you make sense of their choices, reducing the emotional weight you carry. Empathy fosters inner calm and creates a pathway to forgiveness that feels natural and healing.

Pro Tip:

• Visualize Them as a Child: Picture the person who hurt you as a child. Imagine their innocence, struggles, or fears. This mental exercise can help you connect with their human aspect, making it easier to see beyond their actions.
• Ask Reflective Questions: Ask yourself, “If I had lived their life, faced their struggles, and endured their hardships, could I have made similar mistakes?” While this doesn’t excuse their behavior, it can provide valuable insight into their motivations and vulnerabilities.
• Pair Empathy with Boundaries: Empathy doesn’t mean tolerating ongoing harm. You can extend understanding to someone while still setting firm boundaries to protect yourself.

Extra Insight:

Empathy works best when it’s balanced with self-compassion. While understanding someone else’s pain, make sure you’re also honoring your own. Recognizing their humanity doesn’t diminish your right to feel hurt—it simply creates space for healing.

Remember, empathy is about perspective, not justification. It’s okay to hold someone accountable while still acknowledging that their actions may have stemmed from their own pain or challenges. Practicing empathy allows you to break free from the cycle of anger and hurt, giving you the freedom to move forward.

7. Celebrate Your Growth

Similarly, forgiveness is not a one-time decision; it’s a process that unfolds gradually, often requiring great courage and strength. Each step you take—whether it’s releasing a grudge, setting a boundary, or simply feeling a bit lighter—represents growth worth celebrating. Forgiving someone is no small feat, and it reflects the resilience and compassion you’re cultivating within yourself.

By honoring the progress you’ve made, you reinforce your commitment to healing and remind yourself of the peace and freedom that forgiveness brings. These moments of acknowledgment are milestones on your journey to emotional empowerment and inner peace.

Why It Matters:

Celebrating your growth keeps you motivated, even when the path feels slow or challenging. It reminds you that healing is possible and that every step forward—no matter how small—is meaningful. Acknowledging your progress reinforces your resilience, helping you see yourself as someone capable of overcoming even the deepest wounds.

By focusing on how far you’ve come instead of how far you have left to go, you can cultivate gratitude for your journey and find the strength to keep moving forward.

Pro Tip:

• Start a Forgiveness Journal: Document your journey by writing down every moment of growth. Whether it’s a day when you felt lighter, a time you chose compassion over anger, or a boundary you established, record these victories. Looking back on these entries will remind you of the weight you’ve released and the progress you’ve made.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Treat yourself to something special when you reach a milestone—like a peaceful walk, your favorite treat, or a day of self-care. These small rewards can help reinforce your efforts and make the journey more fulfilling.
• Practice Positive Affirmations: Remind yourself daily of your progress with affirmations like, “I am growing stronger every day,” or “Forgiveness is a gift I give myself, and I deserve this peace.”

Extra Insight:

Progress isn’t always linear. Some days, you may feel like you’ve taken steps backward, revisiting feelings of anger or pain. This is a normal part of the process, not a failure. Each time you choose forgiveness—even after a setback—you’re strengthening your determination and deepening your growth. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past, but it changes your relationship with it. Celebrating your growth helps you focus on the positive changes you’ve made and keeps you motivated to continue your journey.

Final Thoughts

In summary, forgiveness is one of the most challenging yet transformative journeys you can undertake. It’s not about excusing the harm done to you or pretending your pain doesn’t exist. Instead, forgiveness is about choosing yourself—your peace, your healing, and your growth. It’s an act of self-love and liberation that allows you to release the weight of anger and resentment, making space for freedom and joy in your life.

This journey isn’t straightforward and it won’t happen overnight. Forgiveness is a process that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. You’ll have moments of progress and moments when old feelings resurface, but every small step forward is a victory worth celebrating. Each choice to let go, even a little, brings you closer to emotional freedom and empowerment!

As you move through this process, remember: forgiveness is not about the person who hurt you; it’s about reclaiming your power. You deserve a life unburdened by the shadows of the past—a life filled with peace, clarity, and the lightness of letting go.

Affirmations and Journal Prompts on Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a deeply personal journey, one that requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to release the weight of the past. To support you on this path, affirmations and journaling can be powerful tools. Affirmations help reframe negative thought patterns, replacing them with empowering beliefs that open your heart to healing. Journaling, on the other hand, provides a safe space to explore your emotions, reflect on your experiences, and uncover the deeper lessons behind forgiveness.

Below, you’ll find a list of affirmations and journal prompts designed to help you release resentment, rebuild trust in yourself, and move toward peace. Use these tools as often as you need—whether as part of your daily routine or whenever you feel stuck in the process of letting go.

20 Affirmations for Forgiveness

1. I release anger and resentment to make space for peace.
2. Forgiveness is a gift I give myself to heal and grow.
3. I am not defined by the pain others have caused me.
4. Choosing forgiveness brings me closer to freedom.
5. I let go of grudges and embrace emotional liberation.
6. I am strong enough to release the past and move forward.
7. Forgiveness allows me to reclaim my power and joy.
8. I forgive myself for holding onto pain for too long.
9. I deserve a life free from the burdens of resentment.
10. Each act of forgiveness brings me closer to peace.
11. I can empathize with others while honoring my boundaries.
12. Forgiveness is an act of love and kindness toward myself.
13. I release the need for apologies and choose to heal on my terms.
14. I am compassionate toward myself and my healing journey.
15. I choose to focus on my growth rather than my grievances.
16. Forgiveness opens the door to a lighter, freer existence.
17. I honor the strength it takes to forgive and let go.
18. Letting go of the past makes room for my future happiness.
19. I am resilient, and forgiveness helps me rise above pain.
20. I deserve peace, freedom, and emotional well-being.

20 Journal Prompts on Forgiveness

1. What does forgiveness mean to me, and how has my understanding of it evolved?
2. Who am I struggling to forgive, and why?
3. How has holding onto anger or resentment affected my mental and emotional well-being?
4. What would letting go of this pain feel like?
5. Are there any misconceptions I have about forgiveness that hold me back?
6. How does the lack of forgiveness impact my relationships with others?
7. What would I say to the person I need to forgive if I had no fear or judgment?
8. What would an apology from them look like, and why is it important to me?
9. What has this experience taught me about myself?
10. Can I identify any positive growth that has come from the pain I’ve experienced?
11. How can I forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made?
12. What boundaries do I need to set to protect myself moving forward?
13. In what ways can I practice empathy for the person who hurt me without excusing their behavior?
14. How can I show myself compassion as I work through this process?
15. If forgiveness feels hard right now, what small step can I take today to move closer to it?
16. How would forgiving this person change my life for the better?
17. Are there patterns in my life where I’ve struggled to forgive? What can I learn from them?
18. What role does gratitude play in helping me let go of resentment?
19. How can I celebrate the progress I’ve made in my forgiveness journey?
20. What affirmations or mantras can I create to support my healing through forgiveness?

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